Preventing Bullying Over the Holidays

Ready or not – the holidays and -- winter break -- are upon us! Hanukkah begins at Sundown on Tuesday, December 20; Christmas Day is Sunday, December 25 and Kwanzaa begins on Monday, December 26 --- just to name a few – and, of course, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day are Saturday, December 31 and Sunday, January 1 respectively.

If you are the parent of a child or teen who has been bullied or ostracized in school – the holidays and winter break time can be, according to SocialShield, a “mixed blessing.”

On the one hand – your child or teen is safe at home and away from the pressures of bullying and the peer ostracization and social isolation at school.

However, on the other hand, your child or teen IS HOME and not at the parties, sleepovers, movies or other age-appropriate social functions during this time of the year. Worse, your child may also be spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer during this time and can thus become the target of cyber-abuse or cyberbullying.

In essence, the isolation associated with bullying “shifts” from school to home during this time of the year and you – as a parent, guardian or responsible adult – will see more of its impact during this time.

According to the U.S. Department of Education, bullying is defined as “a repeated pattern of aggressive behaviors that involves an imbalance of power and that purposefully inflicts harm on the bullying victim” while cyberbullying is defined as “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” According to Social Shield, cyberbullying can hurt even more than “in-person” bullying because the bullies can exact their cruelty anonymously.

Therefore, what can parents do to make your child or teen’s life more bearable during the holidays? According to SocialShield, below are some tips:

1. Be patient and supportive --- expect that being a victim of bullying and exclusion can/may/will make your child moody and try not to take – up to certain limits -- their moodiness and negative behavior personally.

2. Have as much activity around the house as possible – invite friends and family over, maintain a festive environment in the home and if your child has family, cousins of similar age – invite them over.

3. Research public libraries and parks – look into activities offered at the public libraries during this time of year and at parks “a few towns over” from where your child lives so that he or she can have the opportunity to make new friends in a new environment and experience a positive social life outside of school. Encourage your child to enroll in something positive as well as age-appropriate in the coming New Year.

4. Spend quality time with your child – engage – although at first – especially if she/he is a teen they may not appear to like it – some activities you do not ordinarily do during the year. Providing such special activities will make those special family memories we like to associate the holidays with -- but will – in the here and now – offset some of your child’s loneliness.

5. Finally – and most important of all --- be there for your daughter or son. Listen to them and let them know – even if they don’t want to hear it – how much you love them.

For more information about bullying or for information about the programs and services – including how we can help your child procure services – contact The Mental Health Association in Forsyth County at 336.768.3880.

A Lesson about Bullies

A teacher was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were .. ................sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.

Season of Blessings

What a wonderful time of the year. This is my favorite season to be in a school. I love to see what the students are thankful for and what they wish for. Everyone seems to be more in the giving spirit and the smiles abound.

I believe that Thanksgiving is the beginning of the Season of Blessings. We give thanks for what we have and the relationships we have and then throughout the month, we share those fortunes with others. We give more freely…not just material things, but our time, patience, and love.

We continue with what we need to do in school and the students learn. They learn some important lessons, not from books, but from watching each other and the adults in the school. They see the can food being collected for the Second Harvest Food Bank, they see the coats collected for the Rescue Mission, they see more smiles and enjoy hugs. They observe the interaction of people all around them and learn what it means to give of ones self.

Season of Blessings….may you be blessed this season.

A School, a Family, and a Legacy

This year is East Forsyth High School's 50th year Anniversary. They are having a year long celebration and homecoming is a very big part of that celebration. Alumni from all the years will be represented at the game and whole families...from grandparents, to parents, to children will be in attendance. The same goes for my family. I have my brothers that graduated in 1979 and 1985. My husbands siblings graduated from there as well in 1976, 1979, 1982, and 1985. I have teachers who work with me at South Fork who are also alumni from East Forsyth. My mentors, the teachers I had who helped me decide to go into education are alumni from 1967, 1973, and 1976. I was thinking yesterday about this because homecoming is tonight. I was thinking about when I graduated...I was in the 25th graduating class in 1987. My son is graduating this year. He will be in the class of 2012...the 50th graduating class. Then, I thought about all the teachers on the South Fork staff that graduated from there and all the people in the school system who graduated from there, worked there, and continue to be a part of the school or the school community.

That is where the idea of A School, a Family, and a Legacy came from. Jim Wilhelm was the principal when I was there and he was there as far back as 1976, I believe. He is still working in the school system as Interim Assistant Superintendent, Principal, and Assistant Principal. I don't believe they will ever let him retire and his legacy will reach far beyond what he did in his tenure at EFHS. Debbie Brooks, was the Assistant Principal at East when I was there, she then went on to open and retire from Kernersville Middle School. Judy Cowden, Brad Craddock, Carolyn Flynt and Jayne Grubbs...just to name a few, all still work in the system and they are products of East Forsyth High School.

It is a school rich in tradition, in building future educators, and building a family within the school system. In it's duration, it has produced a legacy of educators and other successful adults to be proud of. Trish Gainey, the current principal, is working hard to continue the tradition of fine education and building the pool of educators for years to come. It continues to be a school to reckon with in sports and in academics.

This could not have happened without a strong community support and the hard work of the teachers in the elementary and middle schools. Our high schools are only as good as the students we produce from Kindergarten until they get to the 9th grade. That is why family and community support is so vital, not only for the high school, but for all the local community schools. It the essence of school, family, and legacy. None of it can happen without the dedication of people who care about our future and the future of our students. I am proud of being a graduate of East Forsyth High School and I am proud to be a product of all Winston Salem/ Forsyth County Schools. I am also very grateful that I have been given the chance to give back to the WSFCS community by being an administrator in the system. It started with my family, it grew through my school career, and I pray my legacy will go on to encourage and produce future educators for East Forsyth High School and for the schools throughout the county.

Proudly now we hail thee
Eagle, Brave and Fair
Through the years together
We all things will share.
Blue and White will ever
Be our colors true
Kindling in our memories
Thoughts East High of you!

Congratulations to East Forsyth High School for 50 great years. I look forward to seeing all the successes that continue to come from there.

Many countries in South America celebrate "Dia del Amor y la Amistad" the second weekend of September. There are several activities such as "Secret Friend". People give presents to their significants. This celebration is similar to "Valentine's".

Filling Buckets

Did you know that everyone has a bucket that they carry around with them all the time. In that bucket are the things that people do or say to them that make them feel valued, appreciated, loved, and respected. It is what they reach in to when they are going through hard or tough times, to help them through the situation. At South Fork this year we are promoting the idea of filling up each others buckets every day. So, we encourage each other, we encourage the children, and we model for the children how to fill other student's buckets. We also are trying to fill more parents buckets. The more buckets we fill with positives, the more people enjoy themselves at South Fork and they will want to be a part of what is happening here.

So far, filling buckets has been an easy fun thing to do each day. It is so much more fun to be a bucket filler than a bucket dipper. This is the person who is negative, says mean things, or doesn't do anything to help anyone else. It is easy to see the bucket dippers coming your way. They are the ones not smiling. They are the ones who are the naysayers and who do not work as a team member. We all have our days when our buckets are low and we are feeling low...on those days it is easy to be bucket dipper. This year, it is my goal at least, to try to fill as many buckets as I can each day. I have had several people fill my bucket this year and it makes my job a more pleasant one. Having my bucket filled helps me to deal with the rough days.

I would like to thank those that take the time to fill my bucket everyday and I hope that I am able to fill several each day as well. So, please join the South Fork movement and start filling some buckets with compliments, notes of encouragement, holding the door open, or just taking the time to ask how someone is feeling. You will be surprised how quickly your bucket fills while you are filling others.

A Brand New Year

This is the beginning of a brand new year for all of us here at South Fork Elementary. We have several changes we will be implementing and several new staff members added to the faculty. It is an exciting time to be a part of the South Fork Family. The great thing about starting over with a new year is that we all get a fresh slate. Teachers, Administrators, Students, and Parents all get the chance to do things better for the students and for the school.

As an administrator, I will incorporate the skills I learned at recent leadership and Discovery learning workshops. I have also been given really good feedback from the teachers about what they need from me. I am looking forward to making this a smooth transition year for the new staff and the new programs by leading the staff through the change process- slow and steady with lots of communication.

Teachers will be implementing the the Common Core Standards, Imagine IT reading, and school wide Positive Behavior Intervention Support system (PBiS). We also have several new faces added to our staff. I think each person will make a huge positive impact on our students learning and the overall climate of the school. I am really looking forward to working with this staff this year.

Parents, you can help us by participating and getting involved in the parent advisory committee, the PTA Board, and just being present in your child's school life. The more involved you stay in your child's education, the more likelihood of them graduating from high school. That may seem far down the road, but trust me, it comes faster than you think. We always need volunteers, PTA members, and just visits during lunch. Some come when you can and take part in all the parent education resources we offer throughout the year. Terry Murphy is our Parent Liaison this year. Contact her for more information.

Students, you just need you to come to school ready to learn. Be prepared for class every day, READ< READ< READ...every chance you get. The more you read the faster you will get and the stronger reader you become. Exercise that muscle called your brain, and read- everyday. Keep a positive attitude and know that what you are learning today is foundational to what will be discovered tomorrow- maybe by you. You are growing up in an exciting time. You will work in jobs that aren't even thought of yet. You will use technology that is not even considered yet one day. So, start off enthusiastic about school, get a firm foundation, and learn and grow while you are here. You have the best teachers in the county here. Let them help you unlock your potential.

See you on the 23rd at 5:30 for open house. Call the school if you have questions or concerns. 336-774-4664

Beating the end of year blues

This is the time that end of year tests occur for all grades K- 12. This also is the time when after the test is taken, students feel the year is over and there is nothing left to learn. As a teacher, I always loved this time of year. Once the tests were completed, I was free to teach the way we used to. I did lessons where the kids could explore their surroundings, spend a lot of time outside learning about their environment, and learn about the community.

It can still be that way. Students can complete a service project for the school, like weed and replant the garden, make a "Meditation Labyrinth", write stories and share them with the younger children or with the local retirement community. Imagine what ideas the students could come up with to complete the last three weeks of school and the amount of learning that would take place and they would not even be aware of learning. It might be something to keep in the back of your mind for next year. There are plenty of grants that would fund any of these service learning experiences.

It doesn't have to be the end of year doldrums, with good planning and preparation. I think the students would enjoy the challenge of making something for the school that will be there long after they are gone. It would become a part of the legacy of South Fork Elementary, which already has a rich history. So, what will your students add to the legacy next year and beat the end of the year blues?

Finishing the year strong

The end of the year is quickly coming upon us. It is time to wind down the teaching, complete the last review, and the last test prep exercises. You have learned all that you can learn for this year. The teachers have done their job well. It is up to you, the students, now. You can make the difference of whether you pass the test with flying colors or not. Review the year in your mind. Think of all the things you have learned, experienced, projects you have completed. All that work comes down to the the End of Grade Tests but more than that, it comes down to you giving your best. The test is a measure of how much you have learned this year. No test can tell you what all you have learned this year. It can't tell you how you learned to speak up for others when they are being picked on or bullied. It doesn't show how you have grown three inches. It doesn't show how you have discovered your talent in music, dance, or drama. All of these experiences will help you do well on the test but the test does not define you. You define the test by doing your best, trying your hardest, and taking your time to take it and recheck it. Show us what you got academically this year, just as you have showed us what you have gained in the other learning styles. Use your new found talents to help you pass the EOG this year. If you fall short on the EOG, it doesn't matter, you have a talent that will grow and bloom, if you let it.

No matter what, finish the school year strong, have fun, and enjoy the last few weeks of school.

Being Present for your Students

April 20, 2011

Being Present for your Students

I have been trying to think of a topic that would be inspirational to all who read this blog this week. After being inspired to write about being winners for your children, students and yourselves…it is pretty hard to come up with something better or more interesting than that. That is why it has taken me so long to get something published on the blog.

I have been using the book, “TEACHER THERAPY” by Karen Katafiasz for my motivational quotes in my morning announcements for my faculty and staff. The last few days have all been about taking care of yourself- physically, mentally, and emotionally so that you can be present for your students to attend to their needs. There is something to being in a state of mind to be present for your students. I know I have a hard time attending to the needs of my staff when I am not in the right frame of mind to be present at that moment. It is hard for me to be supportive to them when I have not dealt with my own “stuff”.

This time of year is especially important to be present for your students and for each other. This is the end of year boiling point for a lot of us. We have End of Grade Tests, End of year conferences, budget issues, final evaluations, and a million other things that goes into closing out a school year. What are you doing or will you do to take care of yourself so you can finish out the year in good shape? What can you do to help your students not be fearful of the end of year responsibilities?

One of the things I use is a daily devotional to uplift me every morning. So, I can come in on a positive note. I have also started walking a lot in the evenings. I have found that while I am walking, I can deal with my “stuff”, leave it on the road, and be present for my staff and students the next day. It usually works…but not every time. So, I have to pull from my bag of tricks to help me be able to let go of my stuff long enough to tend to my staff and student needs.

Turn to each other for help and support. Laugh at yourself, laugh with the kids, lighten your load, and be present each day for the next 10 weeks. You need it, your kids need it, and the school needs it. Find what works for you to be present every day with your students and with each other. We need each other now more than ever.

Have a great day.

Making Mistakes OK

"Teach your students that it's all right to make mistakes. Mistakes aren't reasons for shame but chances to learn and do better." This quote is taken from Teacher Therapy written by Karen Katafiasz. Albert Einstein said that some of his greatest ideas became successful from the mistakes he made before hand. Benjamin Franklin said that it was his mistakes that gave him further ideas for some of his greatest inventions. Today I see students get frustrated and freeze up when they make a mistake or are not sure of themselves. They would rather skip something than get it wrong. Making mistakes is a part of learning. We will not do everything perfectly; very rarely are things done perfectly. As part of being a winner for your students, you create a classroom that encourages thinking outside the box, trying new ideas, and making mistakes just a part of the learning process. It is so important to let the students have time to rework problems after they missed them and it has been reviewed so they have a chance to be successful at it. The more success they feel, the more self worth and self esteem they gain. You never know what great minds you have coming through your class that will help defeat cancer or find a cure for ALS, or make the first exhaust free vehicle that will help close the whole in the ozone layer rather than make it bigger. They may never feel the self confidence to try out their ideas if they feel ashamed of their mistakes they make early in their educational careers. Encourage your students to try their ideas out, especially in the math and science areas. Think of the hidden poets you have in your class or the next great novelist. We are teaching our future...think about that. If you really think about it hard enough, it boggles the mind. Our future teachers, executives, politicians, artists, scientists, doctors, farmers, mechanics....ect. Wow!, what a thought. I won't be looking for perfection when I get older. I will be looking for problem solvers, inventors that will make our world a safer, more organic, and planet friendly place for all the future generations. We learn from mistakes. What ideas will our students get from the mistakes they make now? We may never know if we don't encourage them to learn from their mistakes and take their ideas further.

Sticking with Winners part 3

I have written about sticking with winners and being a winner for your child. I have also written how teachers and school staff can be winners for students. There is also an important part to this for adults as well. We need to stick with winners ourselves. These people will be those that we can tell anything to in confidence, those that encourage us, and those that will talk at all hours of the night.

Adults need to be supported with winners just as much, if not more than our children. Think about a person you work with who is always negative, never has a positive thing to say, or is always miserable. Is this person a winner for you? Do they uplift you? Do they tell you good job or encourage you? Do you like spending time with this person? Are they good for your self esteem and self worth? If you can not answer yes to these questions, then this person is not a winner for you.

I have found out in the last two months how amazing sticking with winners can be. I had a support group to call on at anytime, but I did not feel like I could bother them with my “stuff” because they have their own things they are dealing with. When I allowed myself to trust these people and to be open and honest with them, it was a huge lift for my self esteem and my emotional health. They encourage me every day by calling, emailing, or texting me. They check in with me, especially during difficult times. I know I can call on these people at any time, day or night, and they will be there for me. These are my winners. These are the people I want to spend my time with when I can.

There are people that I have had to let go and quit hanging around because they were not winners for me. They made me feel inadequate, incapable, and incompetent. Whenever something good happened for me, they found a negative to it to bring me down. There are others that were a bad influence on me. They encouraged risky behaviors and taunted and picked at me until I went along. Sometimes these people can be best friends, family members, or coworkers and it can be very hard to get away from them. There are some family members that I don’t spend time with anymore because they are not winners for me. There are co workers that I avoid because they are not helpful to me. It is a choice, often difficult, to make about who are winners and non winners in your life. The best litmus test for me has been how I felt after an experience with a person. If I felt uplifted and supported, I know that person is a winner for me. If I felt nervous, upset, or let down, then I know that person is not a winner for me.

Sticking with winners are very important to everyone. We all need winners in our lives. Can you think of who are the winners in your life? Are there some who are not and you need to get rid of? Who are you a winner for?

Sticking with Winners part 1

Sticking With Winners

Posted by Tricia Spencer at 3/2/2011 8:00:00 AM

Sticking with winners...that was a topic I heard about at a meeting I attended the other night. Two questions were asked; "Are you a winner for your kids?" and "Are you sticking with winners for yourself"? What does a "winner" look like? Is it someone who is really good at what they do? Is it someone who does everything correct? Is it someone who is liked by everyone? Webster dictionary defines being a winner as: one that wins admiration or one that is successful especially through praiseworthy ability and hard work. In other words, a winner is someone who is inspiring and good to be around. Today I would like to talk about being a winner for your child.

The question asked about are you a winner for your child really took me back and made me think. I thought it was a no brainer. Of course, I am a winner for my child. But, as the conversation began, I started to hear ways in which I probably was not a winner for my child. Parents spoke about not encouraging their child enough, not praising them enough, not spending quality time just talking and listening to them. So, I started thinking about all the ways I was not a winner for my child. I have teenagers and that makes it even harder to be a winner for them because they act like they don't want you anywhere near them. It is different when your children are in elementary school and they still see you as their hero. Then, it is easy to be a winner to them. You applaud all their firsts and encourage them to keeping going further.They make it very easy to be a winner to them.

As children grow older, developmentally, they tend to push away from their parents and look towards their peers to be their "winners". They get their affirmations from their friends and that is who they want to spend all their time with. It is at this time that we need to be "winners" the most for our children. This can look many ways and you have just try things to see what gets their attention. It can be as simple as saying, " I love you" when you see them come through the door. It can be that you stop what you are doing, sit down with your child and ask them how their day went. Let them lead the conversation and you listen. Even a quick text message of "have a good day" or "luv ya" can send the message that you are pulling for your child and you are thinking about them. Being a winner for your child shows that you are interested in their life and you are their cheerleader no matter what.

I was very humbled by the conversation. I had given up on trying to connect with my child because I did not think he wanted to talk or to hear from me. I took the fact that he wanted to be with his friends more than with me, that I did not matter in his life. The fact is, no matter their age, your child needs you to be a winner for them. Encourage them, talk with them, spend time with them, and love them. Be their cheerleader.

What will you do to be a winner to your child today? I will be texting mine...and that is a start.

Sticking with winners- part 2

Sticking with Winners part 2- Being a Winner for your Students.

Posted by Tricia Spencer at 3/4/2011 12:00:00 AM

Sticking with winners is not just something we can do for our own children. We can be winners for our students as well. We are the first in line after parents to be winners for these students. Just as we would be winners for our own children, we should do the same for our students. It may look a little different but it still will bring great dividends in the effort you get from your students. Webster dictionary defines being a winner as: one that wins admiration or one that is successful especially through praiseworthy ability and hard work. In other words, a winner is someone who is inspiring and good to be around. A winner is someone who sets an example and is a good role model.

Sometimes we may be the only winners in a student’s life. Most of our students grow up in families where parents work two or three jobs, work out of town, or work a shift where they are asleep during the time the child is home. They also may live in a one parent family and do not have good role models. So what would being a winner look like?

• Welcoming them every morning with a smile no matter how you feel- every day.
• Giving them time to work on homework they may not have completed the night before because they had to babysit a sibling or couldn’t figure it out.
• Giving them a chance to complete homework during the day because you know they will not be supported at home.
• Praise them for improvements. Even if they made a D on a test this week…it is an improvement from the F they made last week.
• Listen to them. Give them a chance to share their life with you.
• Sit with them at lunch and share some stories of your school experience with them.
• Start each day as a new day…what happened yesterday is over. Today they are your favorite student again.
• Let them believe you are proud of them.
• Let them know you believe in them.

My three most favorite teachers were teachers like this. I was an at risk child in school. I lived in a single parent family, my parent worked all the time so I was left alone a lot. I had lots of opportunities to get into trouble, to skip school or be a behavior problem. Fourth and fifth grade were really rough years for me. My teachers just knew I would never finish school and so they gave up on me. Ms. Greenwood was my 6^th grade teacher and she was incredible. She hugged me every morning and made me feel important. She would help me with my homework or give me time to finish it. But, the greatest thing she did was to listen to me. She may have thought I would never make it through high school or even make it out of the 6^th grade, but she never let me know that. She always encouraged me, helped me, and told me she was proud of me. The other two teachers were my 7^th and 8^th grade teachers. They were a lot like her. It is because of these women, these teachers, these winners, that pushed me towards education. I wanted to be a winner for other students like these women were winners for me.

If you do these things and the students know you care about them, they will gravitate toward you. They know that you are worth sticking with. They know you are a winner for them and they will stick by you.